Thoughts

I was sitting on the bus today.  This was one of those rare moments when my children were silent and starring out the window.  I was keeping an eye on them, each in different parts of the bus (not far from me, but enough for me to keep an eye on them).  I noticed a couple behind James. They were darling together.

They were an older couple.  He was whispering in her ear.  She smiled and nodded.  There was love.  You could feel that they were happy.  They were real groomed.  I thought I hope when Adam and I reach their age that we will look like them.  I began to wonder what they looked like as teens and as children.  I looked over at James who smiled at me.  I imagined the man as a boy.  I began to imagine James as a teen and as a man.  I hoped that he would still have that smile he flashed at me moments before.

My eyes than turned to the man in front of me.  He was an older man.  Age was written on his face, hands, and clothing.  He looked like he was wearing his best, yet dust and stains marked his pants, shirt, and jacket.  I looked at his hands, one of them shook slightly as it held his can.  I noticed his fingers and they looked worn and tired.  His chin was saggy and covered in white hair.  It looked like his skin would tear if he shaved it off.  His eyes is what I remember most.  They looked like they were full of what-ifs.

I could not look at this man for long because I started to tear up as my mind filled with so many thoughts and emotions.  I began to think about how it must have been to grow up in Lithuania 30, 40, 50 years ago.  I thought about all the war and turmoil this county had seen.  I thought about me being born in the middle of this man's life.  When life was really beginning for this man his country was under a tyrants rule.  He may have even seen Germany be in power when he was a boy. He may have seen his family, friends, neighbors being dragged off to Siberia or other locations.  He may have had no opportunities in life due to when and where he was born.  The thoughts of his filled my heart with grief. I began to wonder how I was so blessed.

My great grandparents went to the US with my grandmother when she was a small girl.  I do not know why they went.  They seemed to have all they needed in Mexico.  They left.  They raised their daughter there.  She in turn married a Mexican man.  They chose to have and raise their family in America.  Many of my Uncles and cousins have served in the military.  My own father served in the Navy.  I then was born and raised in the US. I am so grateful for this.  I think why me?

If my great grandparents had not made the choice to go to the US would I be in some small town?  Would I have married young and had no real opportunity for an education?  Would I be one of those many illegals trying to get into the States?  Would my life be a life of crime as a worker of the drug cartels (they are known in the region where my grandfather is from)?  I do not know.  All I know is my life would not be what it is.  I would not have the family that I have nor the opportunities I have and had because of where I was born.

I wanted to sob when I was on the bus.  If no one was there I would have.  I was overwhelmed with the emotion of gratitude.  I have lived a happy life full of blessings.  I sometimes complain that I do not have XYZ thing here as I did when I was in the US.  I was humbled today that many have nothing nor half of what I have.  The most precious thing I have is my family.  My children are my greatest joy.  I am grateful that I have them. Even on days when I feel like I need a break I still know that I am so blessed.

I have seen so many people who have no one.  There are many old men and women in my neighborhood.  Many of them are shocked when they see all my children.  That they are all mine.  I get asked when do I find time for myself. Or why I have so many.  I have thought about this a lot.  My children are not an accessory or part of my marriage package.  They are my life.  Once you decide to have one child the choice has been made to give up yourself for that child.  The child needs you.  In many ways you need the child.  It is a beautiful bond that can not be experienced any other way.

I am not perfect.  I want time to myself.  They get loud.  I do have moments where I want to leave and go shopping by myself or go see a movie by myself.  I go to the bathroom for a quiet moment even if I do not have to go. I do sometimes stay an extra 10 minutes in the shower because I cannot hear anyone cry. I am a normal person.

I also have moments where I cannot stop hugging them.  I go into their rooms at night to give them another hug or kiss while they sleep.  I sometimes still go in to make sure they are breathing.  I like to play games and build with them.  I love my children.  I really do.  I want them to do more than I have done in this world.  This is what my dad wants for me.  I believe that is what his parents wanted for him.  I am grateful for who I am.  I am me because my dad was who he was/is.  I have what I have because of all those who were before me.  I am grateful for all the sacrifices of those who made my path easier and happier for me.

Kaunas

Yesterday, was Erin's first full day in Lithuania.  We took her over to Kaunas reservoir.  It is like an hour drive away.  We rented a car, I mean bus, so we could all fit in one vehicle.


We named it El Ongo Guapo (the handsome mushroom).  The thing is huge!  One of the down falls of this beast is that we cannot get it to reverse.  More stories about this in a few.

Just another Tuesday

Today was a normal day here.  It started out as a cleaning day.  Yes, I clean.  Today I had help.  My dear friend Krista had a video of her son singing while he cleaned the bathroom.  I thought James could do this.  I had his dad help him, since it was his first time.  He had two chores, clean the bathroom and his room.  This took him all morning, but he did them. I was so happy.  I was able to do a load of laundry, clean the living room, my room, clean the girl's room, and put away laundry.

My house was super clean and I only had to do half the work.  Well a little bit more than half, but help is help.  That makes me happy!

After we were lounging around.  Ate some lunch, took showers, and the kids were playing.  My dear neighbor comes up to tell me her grandson is sleeping.  My kids were not making noise.  Yeah, ok. SO my kids got confined to one room so she would not have a reason to come back up.  They tried their hardest to stay in there and not move, but they are three kids.

We decided, even though it was raining, that we would go to downtown. Adam wanted to see the archives place anyways and I needed to use McDonald's Wifi.  He went to his place and the kids and I shared some fries and ate some ice cream.  What else to do on a rainy day?  Be creative.  After we went looking for used bookstores. Adam is hunting for a book to complete his series he found.  Books here, used ones, are pretty cheap.  A few books that would have cost $45 or something were like 4-10 lt ($1.53-$3.84).  So yeah these are a good find.  So when he says, "Can I get these?"  I must reply, "DUH!"

He did not find any, but the kids got two books for 6 lita ($2.30).  They were happy.  This one bookstore, that we frequent, has the cutest puppy.  Every time he sees the kids he barks.  He wants to eat Nora.  She wants to pet him so bad, but he really wants to pounce her.  I do not know why.  He does not bark until we come.  Last time the owner of the shop had to take the puppy home.  It is kind of funny.  He is a little golden lab or retriever thing.  He is so small.  I do not think he means harm.  He just wants to chase and play with the kids, but a quiet coffee shop/bookstore, not a good idea.

After that we got on a bus and came home.  We were pretty tired.  When you are tired what do you make for dinner? PIZZA!!! Thank you beautiful oven for making it.  We enjoyed every bit.  The kids went to bed really late tonight, but hopefully they will be ready for our full day tomorrow.

What makes tomorrow a full day? IKEA is OPENING!!! You know I am going to the open house.  Why? Two words: Swedish meatballs.  One more thing: free play area for my kids.  I can dream in Ikea land.  So I am going.  Two bus rides will get me there and a short walk.  Later tomorrow night we will be going to a baptism.  It is at 7pm so I think we will be getting home really late.  That is okay because the day after that we get to hang out with Erin!!!!!!! Yeah we are excited.  The kids are way excited!!! They have been praying she would get here safely all week.  Excited!!!!

First Sunday and such

Ever feel like mehhh?

It is if your face (no matter how cute it is) is stuck like this all day?

Your eyes are doing that fluttery weird picture thing?

Well I have been feeling a little like this the last few days.  I am happy here, but so lonely.

I cannot talk to anyone.  I was beginning to have a pity party.

Saturday: It rained.  I was willing to stay home and do nothing, but sleep or let the kids watch TV all day. Something inside me said, Don't let the rain ruin their day (referring to my kids).

I suited us up.  We were about to go on a mini adventure in the woods behind our house.

Little pink riding hood.

Splashing in puddles.  Can't be a kid unless you do this.

Showing her the proper way to make the biggest splash

Eating the cookie Rimante and Rita gave her when we got here.

It is a ginger bread cookie.  The kids loved them.  Who can resist a cookie?

These are a few things we found.

These snails were huge.  The biggest I had ever seen.  Later we made up a story about Giant Snail who lived in the forest of Pink and Purple Princess' and Prince Frogolots castle.  Bedtime stories are fun to tell.

When I saw these snails it made me think of during the war why people ate snails.  These guys were everywhere.  I mean everywhere.  We had to be careful not to squish them.  My kids liked this one because it had a baby snail with it.

Walking on one of the many trails.

Picture of my awesome boots I talked about earlier.

My pink coat.  I will be the bazam of the winter.

Checking out the snails.  They did this every two seconds.  Elizabeth had to touch each one.  She wanted to help them crossed the road and relocate each one.  Nora followed her every move.

The forest from a snails view, plus some.

Walking on the sidewalk. I just loved her little smile.

They were so happy to be out and seeing nature.  This made my sour mood become bright.  I will say that it did not completely change my mood, but made it better.

Than Sunday came.  James got up and dressed himself.  He was ready for church at 8:30.  Church does not start until 2.  We just hung around Sunday morning.  We left for church around 12:45.  I was not sure how long it would take us to get to the bus, and how long it would take us to walk from the stop to the bus.  The bus ended up coming at 1:15.  We had a bit of a wait.  The kids were a little restless.  Do not blame them.

Once on the bus things were smooth sailing until I started to second guess if I was on the right bus, but I was. Phew! We go to our stop.  We have a choice to buy another ticket for a less than two minute ride or walk the mile or so to the church.  I chose to walk.  I wanted to save our money.  It was hot.  I did not bring our water bottles.  The church did not have a water fountain once we got there, but they did have cups and filtered water, which was so good!  When we arrived at the church, Denis, greeted us.  

One of the girls that I served in her area, when I was on my mission, served in Lithuania.  She got in contact with a member via FB.  I was able to make contact with him.  He is in the Russian Branch, but waited to be able to greet us.  When I saw the church I wanted to cry.  Cry for joy.  Something that was familiar to me.

I kept holding the tears back, but I knew I was at home and safe at church.  Even if the language was not the same the Spirit was.  The Elders translated for me, another American family, and an African man (this is going to sound weird, but I was excited to see a black person. There are tons in GA, but at this point he was the first one I had seen. I saw my second one today in central town).

My children for the most part did well.  I only had to leave the sacrament room once.  This is a huge success.  Most of the time I am in and out or just out. They did not have a sunbeam or nursery leader.  My kids doubled the nursery/sunbeam class.  The mother's of these children just stay and in the room while their children play and than decide if they will go to the last class, Relief Society, with their children.

I did not feel to bad for this, at least this time, because there was a million toys.  My kids have a very few because of the amount of weight we could have.  They were in kid heaven.  Nora stayed in there while I went to Relief Society to introduce myself to everyone.  There are two girls who are teaching English for the summer.  They are American.  Almost everyone knows a little English.  They were so sweet.

One our way home we missed the bus.  After a certain time it only comes every two hours.  So we took another one that would not get us to our house, but close where we could catch another bus.  This bus had the sister missionaries.  It was nice to speak in English.  There were these guys were using sigh language back and forth.  One used his phone to type questions to the sisters.  One asked if they were JWs.  They said no and showed them the Book of Mormon.  They wanted to see it.  One of the guys got so involved in looking at it that the sisters could not get his attention to get it back before they left off the bus.  So the book became his.  He was really into it.  Maybe he will read the whole thing?

We had to than walk a ways to get on the next bus.  We found it and I was happy.  We got home at 7:30.  Ate dinner and went to bed without baths.  We were so tired.

Today, I was planning on doing little school with my kids and going on a walk in the woods.  We did like 10 minutes of school and they were done.  I guess I better put more thought into it.  We played at the park and went to look in a few of the goodwill type stores.  There are like a million of those here.  I really had no plans to do anything and than around 2 the kids asked if we could go to the park that was downtown.  I did not want to go downtown with the kids alone, but the adventuress side of me said yes before grumpy me could say no.  Off we went.  We had a great time.

We walked around and never found the park, but we did find some cool buildings.  The kids were a little disappointed.  I just means we will have to go back and look for it again.  

We did find a part of the city that is its own Republic. This was pretty neat to see. I want to take Adam here because he told me about it. I just found it by accident.

*This was an old post I never finished, but I will post it anyways.